Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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