Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
