i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
My ass is underappreciated
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
