i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
