I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
COCAINE IS GR8
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
