im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
