i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
