She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
