Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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