this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize