She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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