I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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