I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
