What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
