1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
