The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
