I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
