I want to have your abortion
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
