Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
