how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
