I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
