You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
