Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
