it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
