nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
