i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
