Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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