I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
