A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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