i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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