someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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