Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize