just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
please don't ironically join a cult
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