You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
