Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Randomize
