Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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