We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
