All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
