remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
