even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
