I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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