I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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