My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
