It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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