My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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