And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
