guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
