Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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