he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
