This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
