That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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