We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
