I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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