Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
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