He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
thus making me awesome and them whores
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
