I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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