Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I think weed is turning my hair brown
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
