That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
