tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
