my phone needs a breathalizer
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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