Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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