I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
