Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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