The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
This baby is an asshole
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
