Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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